Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
One could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass asleep beside the street

About that time two young n' lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment then one said, "We must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind a bush he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
"Ah, lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize"

Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street,
He hadn't gone ten yards or more when a girl he chanced to meet;
She said, "I've heard what's under there, tell me, is it so?"
He said, "Just slip your hand up miss, if you'd really like to know!"

She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes.
She cried, "Why sir, that's gruesome!" And then she heard him roar,
"If you put your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more!"